How We Lie and How We're Lied To

Dealing with floods of political lies.

SOME OF THE worst moments I have experienced in my life are those in which I have been told a lie. When I learn the truth, I feel crushed, and climbing out from under the debris of betrayal can take months. Sometimes recovery never happens—the lie permanently destroys something.

I have been bracing for a culture of lies that has characterized President Trump.

Rich

In her essay “Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying,”¹ Adrienne Rich writes about lying and being lied to. "I allow my universe to change in minute, significant ways, on the basis of things you have said to me, of my trust in you," she wrote. We rely on information sources—the media, the church, politicians, the owning class, businesses, family, neighbors, friends—to tell us the truth, and we allow our universes to change in significant ways upon hearing that truth.

However, when these sources tell us a different version of a story than what is true, and we find that out, we feel a little crazy. That’s because, as Rich wrote, “"The unconscious wants truth."

Allison

Once I heard the writer Dorothy Allison deliver a lecture at Berry College in Georgia. She wrote about childhood trauma, including sexual abuse, in a powerful and moving book that published as fiction, Bastard out of Carolina. "Writing true stories is in resistance to lies," she said. She said writers need to “"Honor the truth that builds healthy souls."

Lies are destructive because they warp our knowledge of reality. They are a form of oppression. They block transformation. They build unhealthy souls.

When you lie to me, you destroy a piece of me. When I lie to you, I destroy a piece of me.

Our Selves

Sometimes we lie to ourselves, punishing ourselves with word-bombs—I am not good enough. I can't. I don't know how. I don't have enough money. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not white. I'm not a man. I'm not a woman. I’m not straight. Whatever. I can’t walk. My parents never went to college.

We lie to ourselves when we block out stories that challenge our world-views, or frames. We sometimes use our privileges to warp our stories. We use the ways we lack privilege to warp our stories.

When I lie to myself, I destroy a piece of me.

Of All

Of all the vices, lying seems the most destructive.

Political Lies

Most politicians lie, one way or another. They want to please people, not lose votes. But he lies of our current president is a phenomenon. Take a look at these headlines.

• Washington Post: Trump’s false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years

• WTTW News: From the 2020 Election to Panama Canal, a Look at False and Misleading Claims in Donald Trump’s Inaugural Address

• NPRP: We fact-checked Trump’s recent news conference (162 lies and distortions in a news conference)

• CNN: Fact check: 32 false claims Trump made to Joe Rogan

And Wikipedia editors say, “Donald Trump has made tens of thousands of false or misleading claims, including during his first and second terms as President of the United States.”

How to Resist

I’ve been thinking about what to do to resist this culture of lying.

1. Don’t listen to the president’s speeches directly. Listen after they have gone through the filter of a media source you trust.

2. Seek alternative journalism.

3. Read Heather Cox Richardson, Thom Hartmann, Robert B. Hubbell, & Joyce Vance, all of whom report the news through a sensible lens, it seems to me. (All on Substack.) Read The Frame Lab by Gil Duran & George Lakoff.

4. Keep speaking what you know to be the truth.

5. Thank people for speaking the truth.

6. Keep uncovering your own truth.

7. Keep writing stories you know to be true.

8. Leave room for other people’s truths.

Comments

What else can we do about the snares of lies around us?

Winter Storm Enzo

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More Quotes from Adrienne Rich on Truth

• "An honorable human relationship – that is, one in which two people have the right to use the world "love" – is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other."

• "Lying is done with words and also with silence."

• "When a person tells the truth she creates the possibility of more truth around her."

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Writing the Truth

I mostly write literary nonfiction. That means I’m trucking in truth, except truth isn’t as black-and-white as I once thought. I used to think, “There is a truth. What is it?” Now I’m more liberal with my thinking, since I know that, for every situation, every person involved has a truth. They’re all different. So truth is gray.

How to get to get to the darker color?

• Go deeper within yourself.

• Ask more people who are involved.

• Get more evidence. Look at photos and videos.

• Go back to a place where something happened and try to recreate the incident as a thought-experiment.

Of all these, the most difficult is to access your own truths. Truth can be scary. It often demands we have an opinion or take a side, which means plant a flag; and flagged territory can be hard to defend.

To get to a place of scary truth I often guide writing students through flow-writes beginning with these prompts and prompts like these—

• What I would say if I told the truth

• The truth of the matter is..

• What I'm not supposed to say…

• Writing starts to get interesting when the censors hush.

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Seeking a Writing Partner

This message arrived from a dear friend working on her first book.

I am seeking a daily writing partner to meet on Zoom for one hour each weekday. A clergy friend said this was the only way she got her book written while also working full-time. She and a fellow priest would meet every weekday morning from 7:30 to 8:30 on Zoom to write. They both got their projects done so they are no longer meeting. Do you know anyone who is already doing this or might want to do this consistently for at least the next six months? Morning would probably be best for me, but I can be flexible with the timing.

If you are interested in this serious and unique scheme to get a book actually written, I will put you in touch with this friend.

Seeking an Accountability Group

I received the following email message.

I attended one of your weekend workshops at Parker Ranch. I'm a writer with published work locally in New Mexico (movement, nutrition, meditation). I earn my living as a bodyworker and trainer. I'm moving back to the South in a few months. I'm interested in joining an accountability writing group. Online works for me, but I also like meeting in-person on occasion. I need accountability. Mentorship. I'm 60 and ready. Thanks.

If you can assist, let me know and I will put you in touch with this friend.

1. From her seismic text, On Lies, Secrets, and Silence.